Date-Saster
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: Chris, Chef and Blaineley take their dates out on a date... to the same restaurant! Now that all three are enemies, how will their dates turn out! Oh, and Trent is there as well. Contains mostly crack pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**I wrote this because I feel I haven't written as much romance fics as I have before, so I've decided to write another one. I figured that Chris, Chef and Blaineley would each date someone from the show, so I've decided to exploit this for my own entertainment, and hopefully your entertainment as well.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned **_**Total Drama**_**, most of the couples in this story would be canon.**

* * *

Blaineley was getting ready for her date. To say that she was looking forward to it would be an understatement. She was freaking out because she was worried she may be running late. She rushed while she was in the shower and vigorously dried herself off with the towel and hairdryer. However, she took her time with putting on her make up. After all, rushing could ruin her make up, and ruined make up could ruin the date.

Soon enough, she was ready. She had on her usual attire: her red dress, her red high heels, her blond hair dye, her red lipstick, her eyeliner, you name it. Blaineley made sure she had enough money in her purse because as the wealthier partner of the relationship she felt it was only right that she should pay for the first date. She put the purse, along with her mobile phone, make up bag (in case of emergency), check book, packet of tissues, heart-burn relief pills, keys and ID. She didn't need any contraception, even though she plans on getting laid tonight with her date. She doesn't need to worry about catching STDs because she knew her date was clean despite being previously promiscuous. She also doesn't need to worry about getting pregnant, not because she was infertile, but because her partner was a woman. Yes. Blaineley's a lesbian. She may have flirted with Chef and Chris, but the reality is, she only did that for personal gain.

Blaineley was finally ready for the date. The reservation at that restaurant is half six, and by the time Blaineley was ready, it was a quarter past six. So Blaineley promptly grabbed the flowers she bought for her date, switched on the alarm, ran out the door, locked it shut, ran out the gate, locked the gate shut and upon doing so the limo arrived. Blaineley hopped in, relieved she didn't kept the driver waiting; otherwise she'd have to pay him extra. The driver hit the pedal and the limo was right on track for Blaineley's girlfriend's house.

* * *

Chef was in his shower room, shaving his face. He left his small beard and moustache alone because he knew they turned his date on. Yes, Chef was also going on a date that warm summer's night. Satisfied with how renewed his face looked, Chef splashed some cold water onto his face, dried himself off with the towel and applied some deodorant, cologne and antiperspirant.

His toenails and fingernails clipped, his body washed, his teeth brushed, his mouth washed and sprayed, his face shaved and his body freshened up, all that was needed to do was for Chef to get dressed. He had his suit readily laid out on the bed. Chef put on a clean pair of boxers, a clean pair of socks and a clean undershirt, all of them white. Next, he put on his yellow dress shirt, followed by his moss green tuxedo. With the brown belt, brown tie and brown shoes finally put on, Chef was finally ready for his date after he combed his bald head. With a handkerchief in his coat pocket, his phone and keys in one pants pocket and his wallet and a packet of condoms in the other, Chef grabbed the flowers and box of chocolates, switched on the alarm, locked up the house and gate and waited for the limo. The limo arrived and Chef climbed in.

* * *

A limo pulled up in front of a yellow two-storey house. Chris stepped out of the limo. He was wearing a baby blue tuxedo with a white shirt and red tie, black shoes and a shitload of hair-gel. He has the same preparation as Chef in terms of cleanliness, freshening and shaving, plus he brought the same apparatus for the date as Chef did, except Chris brought a bottle of red wine and two wine glasses in addition to the box of chocolates. With the flowers one hand, the box of chocolates in the other, Chris knocked on the door. A Cuban-Canadian looking teenager answered it.

"You're a couple of minutes early," said the young man, looking relieved. "Thank goodness. I'm sure you know how psycho my sis will get if her date is even just on time."

"That's what I find feisty about her," Chris smiled, handing the box of chocolates to the teenager. "Give these to your parents. Don't be too shy to sneak yourself a few of these sweats after your parents have opened the box when they're not looking. I've tried these before and they're delicious."

"Will do, man. Listen, my sis is still getting ready. She'll be down in a sec. Just make yourself at home. I left the TV on in the sitting room. It's on the sports channel."

* * *

The limo pulled in in front of the restaurant at exactly 18:29. Blaineley stepped out of the limo and held the door open. Out walked her date. She wore a lime green dress, lime green high heels and a lime green handbag.

"Thanks for the flowers, Mildred!" Izzy happily chirped.

"My pleasure, sweetie," Blaineley replied, kissing Izzy on the lips. The driver watched this from where he was sitting. That kiss was the only reason why he let them off without giving him a tip.

Blaineley led Izzy into the restaurant. It had a Chinese theme and the atmosphere was that of a warm temple during a warm evening in western China. Blaineley knew Izzy loved Chinese restaurants. It was not just because of the music and the cuisine, but also because of the fact that most of the staff members were Chinese. Izzy has an intense interest of people who are not Canadian, but especially the Chinese, the Irish, the Americans, the Japanese, the Mexicans, the South Africans, the Iranians, the Argentines and the French.

The waiter led Blaineley and Izzy to their table. They sat at their table and chat as they waited for the menus to arrive. However, just before the menus arrived, the table next to theirs became occupied by the very last people Blaineley wanted to see.

"Chris?!" gasped Blaineley.

"Blaineley?!" gasped Chris.

"Chris?!" gasped Izzy.

"Izzy?!" gasped Chris.

"Courtney?!" gasped Blaineley.

"Blaineley?!" gasped Courtney.

"Courtney?!" gasped Izzy.

"Izzy?!" gasped Courtney.

"What are you two doing here?!" Blaineley demanded.

"Going on a date!" Chris replied. "What are **you** two doing here?!" he demanded.

"Going on a date as well!" Blaineley replied. "And if you want to have a pleasant evening with your girlfriend, I'd suggest you avoid pissing me off!"

"Knowing you, anything we do would piss you off!" Courtney interjected. "So why don't you guys go book in to another restaurant?!"

"We were here first!" snapped Blaineley, banging her fist off the table.

"Well it's not my problem!" Chris huffed.

"Right this way, gentlemen," said the waiter, leading a couple to a table that was also close to the tables Blaineley and Izzy and Chris and Courtney were assigned. Blaineley, Izzy, Chris and Courtney gasped, along with the couple.

"Chef?!" gasped Blaineley.

"Blaineley?!" gasped Chef.

"Chef?!" gasped Chris.

"Chris?!" gasped Chef.

"Chef?!" gasped Courtney.

"Whiney girl?!" gasped Chef.

"Chef?!" gasped Izzy.

"Crazy girl?!" gasped Chef.

"Brick?!" gasped Blaineley.

"Blaineley?!" gasped Brick.

"Brick?!" gasped Chris.

"Chris?!" gasped Brick.

"Brick?!" gasped Courtney.

"Courtney?!" gasped Brick.

"Brick?!" gasped Izzy.

"Izzy?!" gasped Brick.

"Great," Chris muttered, "my other worst enemy right here in the same restaurant at the same time my girlfriend and I are on a date!"

"Aw, don't be like that," Izzy chimed in. "You two used to be boyfriends. What happened to you guys?"

"HE RUINED MY MOUNT CHIRSMORE STATUE AND LAUGHED HIS ASS OFF WHEN DUNCAN BROKE IT AND RIGGED THE BOMB UNDER THE DOCK I WAS STANDING ON AND LEFT ME TO GET ARRESTED!" howled Chris.

"HE SAT ON HIS ASS WHILE I DID ALL THE WORK AND RUINED MY GO-CARTS AND MESSED UP MY DAMN KITCHEN BUT EXPECTED ME TO CLEAN UP AND I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY FUCKING PAY CHECK!" howled Chef.

Blaineley couldn't help but laugh at this.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" howled Chris and Chef in unison. They both realised that they said this at the exact same time and glared at one another.

"Well you guys shouldn't have dated each other then," Blaineley smirked.

"Yeah, well your name is Mildred!" Courtney interjected.

"So?" Blaineley retorted. "The only reason I didn't want the public to know my real name was because I didn't want them to know too much about me. Besides, many famous celebrities have changed parts of their names to make stage names, such as Shane Dawson, Graham Norton and Chef Hatchet," she added, glaring at Chef. Chef gave Blaineley the finger.

"Guys, let's just sit at our tables," said Brick, having had enough of the fight. Everyone agreed. For the rest of the evening, the only people they talked to was whoever they were dating. That was until they heard a rant from another nearby table.

"Hey! Aren't you gonna take my lover's dinner?!" Trent demanded.

"You're… you're sitting by yourself," said the waitress, rolling her eyes.

"That's what it looks like to single-minded blasphemous heretics like you!" snapped Trent. "I am sitting with the number nine! Now take its orders!"

"How am I supposed to know what the 'number nine' wants?!" the waitress demanded, air-quoting 'number nine'.

Trent smiled. "Simple! By the Power of the Nine!" he replied. The waitress grumbled as she crossed off Trent's order – which was nine Wong Tong soups, nine plates of General Sao's Chicken and nine plates of chocolate ice cream – and wrote onto the notepad 'nine security guards'. She walked off to get the main courses for the other three couples.

Speaking of which, Blaineley, Brick, Chef, Chris, Courtney and Izzy were watching all of this. Blaineley, Brick, Chef and Courtney shook their heads in disapproval. Chris smiled because he was proud of himself for having psychos like Trent on his show. Izzy smiled as well because she wrote a list of eight people, all with four letters in their names, to hook Trent up with. Those names were Cody, Dawn, Zeke, Gwen, Mike, Noah, Owen and Zoey. Courtney turned to Chris and said:

"That display over there proves Gwen's poor taste in men."

"You know it," Chris smirked. "You obviously have the better taste, cos you're dating me."

"Shut up," Courtney blushed. They began to talk about money, fame, power and success, which was one of their favourite things to talk about. Brick and Chef talked about Chef's years in the army and Brick's military training, and their achievements so far in the military. Izzy and Blaineley talked about Izzy blowing stuff up and Blaineley ruling certain countries with an iron fist.

In the end, the couples had a nice evening. They enjoyed the food and their partners' company. It helped them to forget that their rivals were also present, and that Trent was also present.

Sadly, all of them had plans to do more this evening. And this wasn't the last the couples have seen of each other for the night.

It also wasn't the last they've seen of Trent.

* * *

**So what do you guys think? Blizzy and Chrisney are my favourite femslash and mixed-slash pairings for the fandom, so I included them. My favourite slash pairing is either Lightnott or Brott, but since I wanted to include Chef in the chaos, I picked Bref. Brick is basically the most likely contestant who can stand Chef's food, so why not pair him up with Chef? Also, Trentnine will be another prominent 'couple' in this fic, and will serve as a comical device to annoy Blaineley, Brick, Chef, Chris, Courtney and Izzy throughout the course of the story. Some more of the characters will also show up just to annoy those six characters, and probably Trent as well, because they don't understand Trent's Number Nine Religion. This story idea is just too good to be just a one-shot.**

**Until next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**To all of you people out there who have reviewed so far, you guys are awesome! I'm serious! Those reviews brought a bigger smile to my face than that sadistic smile Chris shows when he's about to start the next challenge!**

**I meant to update on the 9****th****, but that day was such a fine, sunny day and it was really hot. I felt like I was in Spain. We will have this heat wave for the rest of the week, but we rarely get this kind of weather in Ireland, so I had to appreciate it as much as I could. I started writing this just after midnight (and nightfall comes very late in Ireland during the summer).**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Nine security guards showed up to take Trent away. Trent made a huge fuss and threatened to take action against the restaurant for discriminating against him because of his religious believes. When he realised that he was being removed from the restaurant by nine security guards, Trent threatened to burn the place to the ground because he viewed having nine guards to take him away was a blasphemous act of heresy against the Ninth God. The three couples could not help but watch as Trent was dragged kicking and screaming. It was hard to miss that Trent kicked each leg nine times each and screamed for nine seconds nine times. Finally, Trent was out of the building, so everyone could sit at their tables and have their meals in peace.

Izzy turned around from the commotion to face Blaineley and said: "Wow… and I thought _I_ was the crazy one." Blaineley nodded, but said:

"Well, you're crazy in a cute way, Izzy. Trent, well… he's bat fuck insane."

Izzy grinned. "Aw, thank you, Mildred! You know just what to say!" she beamed. Even though she hated Izzy and Blaineley, Courtney could not help but silently agree with them about Trent. She looked up from her spring rolls to face Chris and said:

"You know, it's really sickening how fans keep pairing me up with that… with that cultist," she spat. "I'd much rather be paired up with Gwen. And I'd rather stick my head in a bucket of horse shit for free than even touch that boyfriend-stealing bitch-c*** for a million bucks," she added.

Chris chuckled, knowing that Courtney would never in a million years even poke animal droppings for any cent less than a million dollars. "You're so adorable when you bitch and moan about other people," he swooned.

Courtney blushed. "Excuse me, I am a CIT," she lectured. "I am not adorable. I'm too tough for that."

"Oh, you're tough all right," Chris agreed, "but you're still adorable."

"Shut up!" Courtney groaned. But she and Chris both knew that she was enjoying Chris's sweet-talking. However, none of the two couples were as concerned by Trent's display only a few minutes earlier as Chef and Brick. They ate their food in silence, until Chef decided to break the ice.

"So, uh, Brick, how's your soup?" he asked.

"Oh, it's good," Brick replied. He gave a look to indicate that Chef's soup is way better. Obviously he was not going to say it aloud in case staff members heard him. "How about yours?" Brick asked.

"It's delicious," was Chef's reply, before he dug his spoon into the bowl for another sip.

"Chef? Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure. Spit it out."

"Was Trent always like this?"

"You mean, obsessed with nine?"

"Yes. I appeared to be saner than most of the characters on the show in _Total Drama Island_. To see him go off his rocker like that in _Total Drama Action_ was kinda depressing," Brick explained.

Chef took a sip of his beer before responding. "I thought Guitar Boy was sane as well," Chef answered. "Of course, after the first season ended, I went over the CCTV tapes and discovered something that you shouldn't tell a shrink about in case he too got disturbed."

"So he was obsessed with that number all along?" Brick suggested.

"Yeah, he never told Grimmer until later on in the relationship when he felt he could trust her to accept and join his cult and boycott all other religions. This made Grimmer uncomfortable, so I suppose that's why she broke up. She didn't break up with him until a few episodes into the season, though."

"I kinda figured she didn't want to break up with him just because of that number, either because Gwen felt it would be too judgemental of her. Or because she was waiting to find another reason to break up with him in case Trent killed 'for being a heretic'."

"You know, Brick, I never really thought of that," said Chef. "I just hope Guitar Boy doesn't find out about how many letters there are in my real name," he grumbled.

Brick put his hand on Chef's. "I can assure you that Trent will be locked up in an insane asylum before he finds out." The cadet gave his boyfriend a reassuring smile. Chef returned the smile. The two returned to eating their meal in comfort.

* * *

All three couples were finished their meals at the same time, so that meant they had to leave the restaurant at the same time. Courtney and Chris made a failed attempt at tricking Brick and Chef into paying for both of their meals. But Chef gave Chris a glare to signify that if Chris pisses him off again he'll be in the hospital before he knew it.

Blaineley and Izzy were the last to pay. After Blaineley paid the bill, Izzy told the waitress:

"The tip will be here right… now!" Just then, a gang of Japanese ninjas burst into the restaurant through the open windows. The ninjas were expecting the staff members to counterattack through the use of Kung-Fu, but that didn't happen. The staff members, especially the ones that were Chinese, just rolled their eyes in disapproval. The Japanese customers face-palmed themselves in embarrassment. Suddenly, the manager of the restaurant spoke up and said:

"Listen, go harass that Chinese restaurant form across the street. They've been meaning to practice their Kung-Fu on Japanese ninjas and their customers would probably enjoy a good show." The ninjas nodded in unison before making their way across the street to what they thought was another Chinese restaurant. Turns out it was a base for another gang of Japanese ninjas. This resulted in a massive fight that prompted passers-by, especially the ones that were Japanese, to whistle to themselves and pretend that there was nothing to see.

Obviously, Izzy wanted to watch the violence, but Blaineley informed her that the movie that they were going to see was about to start in half an hour. Izzy smiled because she was looking forward to watching that racist Canadian-made movie about several European countries blowing one another up because of the recent financial crisis. Conveniently, the cinema was only two miles away from the restaurant, it was still light out and there was enough people on the streets for it to be safe enough for even one person to walk through them alone.

However, when they got to the cinema, they noticed that Chris and Courtney were also there. Chris was trying to make up his mind what slush puppy he wanted and Courtney was trying to make up her mind what soda she wanted. Blaineley rolled her eyes as she and Izzy bought themselves a big carton of popcorn, a packet of chocolate sweets, and a bottle of water for Blaineley and a large Coke for Izzy. Izzy and Blaineley made their way to the screen room where the movie they bought the tickets for was being projected. When they got there, they discovered that all but twelve seats were occupied. Blaineley noticed that in one row of nine seats only one was occupied. Blaineley was about to sit in one of them when an eerily familiar voice berated her.

"DON'T SIT THERE! THAT SEAT IS RESERVED FOR THE NUMBER NINE!"

Blaineley's ears pricked up. "Trent?!" she demanded.

"That's right!" Trent snapped. "Those nine seats are currently occupied by the number nine! And if you dare sit in one of them, I will kill you nine times for offending the Ninth God by being a blasphemous heretic!"

"You're sitting in one of them right now!" Blaineley screamed.

"Well that's because the number nine gave me permission to sit in one of its nine laps!"

"You're sitting in a chair!" Blaineley scowled.

"No, I'm not sitting in a chair BECAUSE I'M SITTING IN ONE OF THE NUMBER NINE'S NINE LAPS!" Trent whinge. Blaineley rolled her eyes. She realised that there was not much point in arguing with Trent. She turned around to see a row where all but one of the seats were unoccupied.

Unfortunately, of all of the seats that could have been occupied, it had to be the one that can fit two people. Blaineley wanted to make out with Izzy during the boring bits of the movie but no, someone just had to be selfish. Just as Blaineley suspected, the seat was occupied by Chef and Brick.

"Can Izzy and I have that seat?" Blaineley asked.

Chef looked up from Brick and hissed: "Hell no! We were here first, fake lady!"

"But you're not even making out!" Blaineley protested. "All you're doing is cuddling. In fact, you only need one seat since Brick is sitting on your lap."

"We'll make out when the boring bits come up!" Brick hissed. "Sit somewhere else," he ordered.

Blaineley gritted her teeth in anger. "Fine, but can you at least let us know when you're done using it?" she demanded.

"I can't see no harm," said Chef, "but leave one seat as a space. We're not sitting next to you or your psycho girlfriend." Blaineley muttered curse words under her breath as she took the seat two seats away from Brick and Chef's seat and Izzy took the one next to Blaineley's.

Then Courtney and Chris showed up. Needless to say, both were pissed that Chef and Brick had they seat they wanted. Courtney took the outside seat while Chris took the seat next to her, so that there was a seat between Chris and Izzy. Neither couple was happy that the other two couples showed up.

"You're in my spot," said an eerily familiar raspy voice. Courtney, Chris, Izzy, Blaineley, Chef and Brick looked up to see Harold standing right outside the row.

"What are you talking about?" Courtney demanded.

"That's where I sit every time I go to the movies," Harold explained. "In each screen room I have placed a seat in a state of eternal dibs based on the distance from the screen, the acoustics and the freedom of not having to climb over other people in the event that I have to use the lavatory. So please shove over."

"Fuck off!" Courtney sneered.

"That's my spot!" Harold shouted.

"Tough! Go sit somewhere else!"

"I can't sit somewhere else because that's my spot!" Harold whined. "Gosh! Curse your lack of consistency! IDIOT!"

"Courtney, just let him sit there so he'll shut up for once!" Blaineley begged.

"Fine, but I refuse to sit next to him!" Courtney huffed, climbing over Chris so she could sit in the space between Izzy and Chris.

"Me neither," said Chris. "Izzy, go sit between Blaineley and Chef and Brick." Izzy was only too eager to comply. Chris climbed over Courtney so he could sit where Izzy used to sit. Blaineley was pissed off because she did not want to sit next to Chris, but it was still better than sitting next to Harold, so she kept quiet about her predicament. Chris felt the exact same away about sitting next to Blaineley. Additionally, Izzy was giving Brick and Chef a hard time by staring at them and egged them on to have angry sex "right here, right now!" If it weren't for her relationship with Blaineley, Brick and Chef were certain Izzy would have insisted on a threesome.

Courtney's predicament was no better than anyone else's. Despite there being a seat between herself and Harold, she was still too close to Harold for comfort.

"Did you know that cinemas don't allow external food because they make more money from selling their own overpriced food than they do from selling cinema tickets?" said Harold.

"Nobody cares, Harold!" Courtney growled.

"Did you know that in the United States there is a tendency the assign sexual movies with no violence higher rating certificate than violent movies with no sexual content due to pressure from right-wing Christian organisations?" Harold gabbed.

"Shut up Harold!" Courtney was getting angrier.

"Did you know that-?"

Courtney withdrew a knife from her pocket and held it under Harold's chin. "One more word out of you, and I will butcher you! GOT IT?!" she hissed. Harold nodded and sat quietly for once. For the next forty-five minutes he remained quiet until he suddenly decided to spew another random fact.

"Did you know that-?"

"Harold! What did I say?!"

"Sorry! GOSH!"

* * *

**So what did you guys think? I had so much fun writing this chapter. Oh, and sorry for those of you who found this chapter to be a bit racist. I've also censored the c-word. I didn't really want to, but I was worried it mind offend readers even more so than I would prefer. I hear the word is more offensive in North America than in Europe. I certainly won't use it in my T fics, but I might use it in my M fics only if it's not considered to be so offensive among the fandom at large.**

**I've also forgot to mention Brick's, Courtney's and Izzy's attire. Let's just say that Brick is wearing the same attire as Chef, but his tuxedo, tie and shoes are black and his dress shirt is white and that Courtney and Izzy are wearing the same attire as Blaineley, but Courtney's is lilac and Izzy's is orange. Trent and the other characters (unless otherwise stated) will wear their usual clothes.  
**

**It's now four o'clock in the morning. I'm gonna be in bed until half twelve in the afternoon. Tomorrow and the day after are still expected to be sunny, so I'm not worried. Next chapter won't be up until I've updated some of my other stories.  
**

**Until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you, Nerdy Barista! I can't believe I forgot that Izzy's attire is lime green. Since that was mentioned in the story, while her dress being orange was mentioned in the author's notes, Izzy's dress will be lime green. I'm not changing my mind about Brick or Courtney's attires, though.**

**Anyway, getting back to the chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chef, Brick, Izzy, Blaineley, Chris, Courtney, Harold, Trent and the number nine were sitting and watching the movie. The only one who was truly happy was Trent, who was on a full blown boner. Probably because he was sitting on 'one of the number nine's nine laps'. Everyone in the room could clearly see the erection, especially since the light coming from the screen was providing enough light for everyone to see.

The movie was finally over. The lights went back on. The crowd shifted out of the screen room. Of course, everyone who had the displeasure of having to sit in the front row seats was freaked out by how Trent got out of his seat. First Trent stood up for nine seconds. Then he sat down for nine seconds. He stood up for nine seconds again. Then he sat down for nine seconds again. Trent repeated this action six more times before finally standing up. The three couples had to watch this. Of course, the three couples were unable to leave. Harold was sitting in his seat watching the credits. And he was unwilling to budge.

"Harold, move!" Courtney ordered.

"No, I'm watching the credits, GOSH!" Harold replied.

"Exactly. Now move!"

"You don't watch the credits?!"

"You're the only one I know who does it."

"No wonder you are such an idiot."

"Excuse me, Harold. Don't call me an idiot. I was a councillor in training. And I don't need to know who the actors are, and if I was interested I could always look that stuff up on Wikipedia."

"What?! You really on Wikipedia as a source of information?!"

"Yes, So what?"

"Wikipedia is inaccurate! Anyone, even an idiot, can edit an article on Wikipedia! Curse your inability to use reliable sources of information! GOSH!"

"As long as the sources are there, it's accurate! If you want to stay and watch the credits, fine with me! But the rest of us want to leave! Just get up, let us leave, and when the row is empty, you can sit in your spot again!"

"Great! I've just missed the credits because I've had to listen to you! Thanks a lot, Courtney! IDIOT!" Courtney shoved Harold off of the set and walked over him on her way out. Chris, Blaineley, Izzy, Chef and Brick did the same. In fact, while Izzy was doing it, she jumped up and down on Harold's body.

"Thank God," Brick breathed, doubling over because he badly needed to take a piss. "Thought I would've had to climb over the seats to get out of here." Harold stood up, scowling at everyone.

"You think you are so funny, but let's see how you like it when someone messes with your love life!" Harold threatened.

"Oh yeah wise guy?" Blaineley sneered. "How are ya gonna do it?"

"Simple!" Harold threatened. "I will commit a heinous crime and frame you idiots for it! And then I'm going to personally ask the police to put you idiots in separate cells!"

"Hey, it's your fault for being annoying," said Chris.

"Well it's your fault for being idiots!" snapped Harold.

Chris flashed his sadistic grin. "Well it's not my problem!" he chirped. The three couples left the screen room, leaving Harold alone to stand there and give off an emotionless stare towards the viewer.

* * *

Brick rushed into the jacks to take his piss. There were nine urinals in the jacks, and only one of them were occupied.

Sadly, the occupied urinal was occupied by Trent. Brick was in no mood for having a row with Trent and he knew that Trent would go ape-shit if Brick used one of the unoccupied urinals because Trent could claim that the number nine was using them. So Brick ran into one of the cubicles and locked the door. Just before Brick could unzip his fly, he pissed. Cursing and swearing under his breath, Brick grabbed some of the toilet paper and wiped his pants vigorously. He made a silent prayer, thanking the angels in Heaven that his pants was black so it wouldn't be noticeable. Sighing, Brick dug into his coat pocket and removed a spray. He sprayed his crotch, legs and the inside of his pants to obscure the irritating scent of urine. After drying himself off, Brick pulled up his pants and flushed the toilet. He was ready to leave when there was a knock on the door.

*Knock*

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"Brick!"

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"Brick!"

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"Brick!"

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"Brick!"

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"Brick!"

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"Brick!"

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"Brick!"

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"Brick!"

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*Knock*

*Knock*

*Knock*

*Knock*

"Brick!"

Brick sighed relentlessly and answered the door. "You do realise that you only had to knock once, right?" He asked.

"So?" said Trent.

"It's a waste of time."

"So is this point you're trying to make."

"What do you want, Trent?" Brick asked.

"I want to ask you a question."

Brick rolled his eyes. "Okay then. What is the question?"

"What is Chef's real name?" Trent asked.

Brick's unibrow furrowed. "Why do you want to know?" he demanded.

"Because I want to enter a partnership with eight other people," Trent explained. "That way we can all satisfy the Ninth God together. A marriage between nine people is a sacred contract within the Number Nine Religion. So I want to know if Chef is suitable."

"I'm afraid Trent I cannot disclose this sensitive information," said Brick.

"Why?"

"Because Chef doesn't like you," said Brick. "At best, you're just an acquaintance to him. He prefers if only his boyfriend, family, friends and authority figures that he relies on know his first name."

"Well then I'll just have to get to know him better," said Trent, shrugging.

Brick growled. This was very unusual for him. But he had no choice. He cannot have Trent, or anyone for that matter, trying to steal his boyfriend away from him. The cadet stood up straight and gave the numerical cultist a firm glare.

"I'm sorry Trent, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to back off," he stated.

"What?!" shrieked Trent. His face scrunched up into a scowl. "WHY?!"

"Chef and I are in an established relationship," Brick explained. "Regardless of what Chef's name is, you're not dating him. We are in no mood for a polyamorous relationship. And even if we were in the mood for one, or if he was single, you would never have a chance with getting hooked up with Chef. Never. He doesn't like you that way. And as much as he likes the number nine, he cannot cope with a routine devoted to that number. So find someone else." With that, Brick went over to the sink to wash his hands.

"That's what you think!" snarled Trent. "I'll find out what Chef's real name is! And if it has nine letters in it I will charm him so much he will leave you for me! And if he doesn't, I will kidnap him anyway and hold him hostage in my cellar! You hear me! This will be the next Fri-"

Brick went over to one of the new automatic hand dryers and put his hands under the sensor, not just to dry his hands but to drone out Trent's threats.

* * *

"Izzy cannot believe that Brick and Chef didn't make out," Izzy sighed. "If they did, Izzy would've recorded it and e-mail the video to the Iranian president. He'll go insane because he mentally thinks that homosexuality is sinful and he'll probably send Iranian troops after me. Oh, Izzy would've killed them. They'd be like 'AAAAAAAH' and Izzy would be like 'BOOM! BOOM! This is fun!' and there would be blood everywhere. It would be awesome!"

Blaineley and Izzy were standing outside the multiplex, waiting for their limo to arrive. Blaineley chuckled and said:

"I love the way you plot to cause trouble. It's adorable."

"No it's not," said Courtney. "It's bad. It's dangerous."

"What are you doing out here?" Blaineley demanded.

"Waiting for our limo," said Chris. "What are you doing out here?" he demanded.

"Waiting for our limo as well," said Izzy.

"I hope we're not sharing a limo," Courtney huffed. "I would like to make it home in one piece, thank you very much."

"Angry that you didn't get to make out with Chris?" Blaineley jeered.

"You didn't get to make out with Izzy, you don't rub it in," Courtney hissed.

"It's not my fault Chef and his lackey stole the love seat!" Blaineley snapped. "In fact, Brick was sitting on Chef. A normal seat would've done them, unless they were just trying to piss us off."

"Yeah, but Blaineley, if Chef and Brick were **not** hogging the love seat, then **you** and Izzy would be sitting in there," Chris smirked.

"Yeah, so?"

"What I like more than making love to my girlfriend in public is seeing you miserable," Chris smirked. "So that's one good thing about Chef and Brick hogging the love seat."

* * *

Brick walked out of the jacks to see Chef having a row with Harold.

"How could you have not watched _Star Trek_?!" Harold demanded. "It was an amazing show! Only an idiot would think otherwise!"

"I watch what I want, **when** I want! GOT IT?!" Chef snapped back.

Brick shook his head at Harold and nudged Chef. "C'mon Chef, ignore him." Chef blew Harold a raspberry before following his boyfriend outside.

"Chef, I have something to tell you," said Brick.

Chef sighed, worrying that he is in trouble. He began to imagine all possible scenarios. Like Brick wanting to break up with Chef because of his row with Harold, because Chef was too old for him or because Brick found someone else. Then Chef imagined something worse, like Brick revealing to Chef that he had some serious illness, that a person that was close to him was dying or has died, or that Brick got deployed overseas to a dangerous mission. Sure, Brick could handle it, but Chef still did not want Brick to be away from him for so long.

"What is it, Brick?" Chef finally asked.

"Stay away from Trent. I encountered him in the restroom. He says that if you have nine letters in his name, he plans to lock you up in his cellar."

"But…" Chef looked around to make sure that Trent was nowhere to be seen. "But I have nine letters in my name," Chef whispered.

"Exactly," Brick whispered.

* * *

The limousine arrived at the cinema. The driver pulled down the window and said:

"I found out you six were going on a triple-date so I told the other drivers they could have the rest of the evening off."

"This is not a triple date," Chef scowled. "This is a disaster."

"Well tough," said the indifferent driver. "I happen to be a fan of Blizzy, Bref and Chrisney and there's enough room for all six of you, so deal with it." The three couples groaned and climbed into the limo. This was going to be one long drive back home.

* * *

Back at the cinema, Trent was talking to Harold.

"Are you sure?" Trent asked.

"Yep," Harold answered.

"Are you sure you're sure?"

"Definitely."

"Are you sure you're sure you're sure?"

"Positive! GOSH!"

"It just sounds suspicious that you're telling me this," Trent pointed out.

"Well they were being disrespectful idiots, so they'll have to pay the price," Harold huffed, slamming his fist into his hand, injuring both his fist and his hand in the process. "Ow!" he flinched, flapping both his arms around. Passers-by gave Harold disturbed looks, but neither Trent nor Harold noticed this.

"Well thanks for the help," Trent smiled.

"No problem," said Harold. "Soon, Chef will be all yours. And the rest of them, well, you can just kill them."

"Oh I'll kill 'em alright," Trent smirked. "I'll kill 'em nine times each!"

"You can only kill a person once!" Harold corrected the musician. "Curse your ignorance of the circle of life! IDIOT!"

Trent pushed Harold aside and went off in search of the three couples.

Chef and Brick in particular.

* * *

**Dun! Dun! Dun!**

**Chef, Brick and the rest of them are in big trouble now! Does this mean that the evening is not over yet for the couples? Afraid not. In fact, the previous chapters were relatively sane. The chaos has just begun!**

**Until next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I had a tough time trying to figure out what Chef's real name for this fic is going to be. But I found the name. Obviously, it's a nine-letter name, but it can be shortened to four letters.**

**Anyway... ENTER THE CHAOS!**

* * *

The three couples sat in the limo, obviously not enjoying the ride. The limo had two rows of seats; each row with only three seats. As a result, Chef, Blaineley and Chris sat on one row while Courtney, Izzy and Brick sat across from them. Izzy kept harassing Brick and Courtney. She told Brick that she was going to invade Antarctica and that he should help her with the invasion after his military training. Izzy also told Courtney that she would make a great dictator for Canada and that she hoped that Courtney would legalise cannibalism. Naturally, this made Brick uncomfortable and ticked Courtney off.

All of a sudden, the limousine screeched to a halt. The couples froze. Courtney turned her head to face the driver.

"Why did you stop?!" she demanded.

"Some idiot is in the way," the driver replied, blowing the horn. "GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!" he shouted at whoever was standing in the driver's way. Of course, the figure in his way did not budge. The driver gritted his teeth in fury. He rolled down the window, stuck his head out and yelled:

"IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY, I WILL RUN YOU OVER!"

Suddenly the driver was pulled out of the limousine through the window. Everyone except for Izzy gasped in horror.

"Awesome!" Izzy chirped.

Shrivelled screams can be heard from outside, much to everyone's horror. Then a loud thump occurs. The three couples are confused. They are not sure what just happened. Too many questions to count were running through the minds of Brick, Chef, Chris, Courtney, Izzy and Blaineley.

_Who was standing in the way of the limo?_

_What happened to the driver? Did he survive or what?_

_What was with the loud thump?_

_Why was all of this happening?_

The couples were blinded by a flashing light. Just as soon as their eyes could adjust to the light, a horrible sight met their eyes.

Right in front of them was the driver. He was slouched against the windscreen. He had nine stab wounds all over his body. Each stab wound was nine inches deep, and each stab wound looked like the knife had been in them nine times for nine seconds each. Brick immediately realised who the culprit was. He reached his hand over to Chef's and squeezed it tightly. He pulled Chef closer and motioned for the cook to lay across the floor. Chef complied and laid down. Brick laid down with him, so that only Chris, Courtney, Blaineley and Izzy were visible.

The light disappeared for a second before the culprit stuck his head in. He had a torch in his hand and a psychotic grin on his face.

"HEEEEEERE'S TRENTTTTT!" cackled Trent.

"Oh great!" Blaineley sighed. "Not you again!"

"Relax, I just want to kill you guys nine times and then have Chef all to myself!" Trent smirked. "After all, he does have nine letters in his name!"

"No he doesn't," Chris corrected him.

"Yes he does," Trent replied.

"No he doesn't."

"Yes he does!"

"No he doesn't.

"YES HE DOES!"

"No he doesn't."

"HE DOES! HE DOES BECAUSE HAROLD TOLD ME NINE TIMES THAT CHEF HAS GOT NINE LETTERS IN HIS NAME! YOU HAVE CORRECTED ME FOUR TIMES! CORRECT ME FIVE MORE TIMES AND I WILL KILL YOU **EIGHTY-ONE** TIMES!"

"Dude, Harold lied to you nine times," Chris pointed out.

"Impossible!" Trent protested. "Surely he realises that if he lies to the arch-prophet of the Number Nine Religion he will face the wrath of the Power of the Nine!"

"He doesn't believe in that stuff," Chris explained. "Besides, there are **four** letters in Alec, not nine."

"Oh," said Trent. "Well, sorry to bother you lot. Consider you guys shielded for now by the Power of the Nine. Oh, and you might want to get yourselves a new driver. I killed him nine times, so there is no chance of him coming back."

"Gee, thanks for that!" Courtney scolded.

"You're welcome," Trent beamed, missing Courtney's sarcasm. He left.

"Ugh, I just want to kill the bastard with the nine-fetish ten times!" Courtney scolded.

Chris smirked. "You're so adorable when you're homicidal," he chuckled.

"I'm not adorable anymore, Chris," Courtney spat. "I stopped being adorable when I became a counsellor in training."

"Oh Courtney, we both know that's not true," Chris laughed.

"Shut up," Courtney groaned, but she was blushing.

"Listen," said Chris, "you wanna ditch this shithole and call a cab?"

"Definitely!" Courtney beamed.

"Listen Chris," said Chef.

"Yeah?" asked Chris.

"Thanks for saving my ass back there," said Chef.

"Hey, I had to," Chris replied. "If I allowed Trent to kill us nine times, then the world would be starved of my handsome hair and Courtney's lovely feistiness."

"Of course you'd think that way," Blaineley sneered.

"Well see ya," said Chris, climbing out of the limo and holding the door open for Courtney as she climbed out. The two left to go catch a taxi.

Meanwhile, back in the limo, Blaineley turned to Chef and asked: "Is you name actually Alec?"

"Yes," Chef replied. "My parents named me after that mentally and emotionally weak character from _How Many Miles to Babylon_."

"Ooh, Izzy loves _How Many Miles to Babylon_!" Izzy chirped. "But I wished they wrote a sequel! That would've been awesome! Alec and Jerry would be reincarnated in the 1980s and they would enlist in the Iraq War and go on major killing sprees!"

Blaineley, Brick and Chef rolled their eyes at Izzy. "We're outta here," said Chef.

"Have a nice evening," said Brick.

"You too," Blaineley lied. Brick and Chef left.

"Now that they are gone, do you want to have some fun?!" Izzy chirped.

Blaineley smirked. "You are reading my mind you filthy little girl," she cooed. "Come here." Izzy stripped out of her clothes. Next, she stripped Blaineley out of her clothes. She climbed onto Blaineley and the two proceeded to make out. They were having such a good time and they were glad that they did not have to see Brick, Chef, Chris or Courtney again for the rest of the evening.

Little did the couple realise however that the experience with Trent in the limousine was not the last time they saw the other two couples for the rest of the night.

* * *

Harold was sitting at home watching _Firefly_ reruns on the telly when there was a rough knocking on the door.

"GOSH!" groaned Harold as he pushed 'pause' and got up to answer the door. Trent stood on the doorstep. To say that he was furious would be an understatement.

"You lied to me!" Trent snarled. "You lied to me nine times! Now I must kill you! I will kill you eighty-one times! And when you die, you will spend eternity in the Place Devoid of the Number Nine!"

"What is going on?! GOSH!" Harold demanded.

"You told me that Chef has got nine letters in his name!" Trent shouted. "But he doesn't! He only has four letters in his name! And Chris said so himself!"

"What is Chef's name, then?" Harold wondered.

"Alec!"

"Alec?"

"Yes! Alec! You lied to me, nine-hater!" Trent snarled.

"Trent, you are such an idiot!" Harold scowled. "'Alec' is the informal term to 'Alexander'! There are nine letters in 'Alexander'! 'Alexander' is spelled A-L-E-X-A-N-D-E-R! Curse your ignorance of certain names within the English language! IDIOT!"

"But… I thought 'Alex' was the short for 'Alexander'," Trent protested.

"So is 'Alec'!" Harold snarled. "Have you not read _How Many Miles to Babylon_ by Jennifer Johnston?! GOSH!" Harold slammed the door shut, leaving a confused Trent standing on the doorstep.

All of a sudden, the realisation hit Trent. It hit him hard. Chris lied to him. He lied through his teeth. Trent was going to kill Chris, Courtney, Blaineley, Izzy and Brick. Not nine times. No. But **eighty-one** times!

The same was going to happen to Chef as well. Chef did not correct Chris when Chris wrongly corrected Trent. So Trent decided that Chef's love was not worth fighting for. The salvation of his soul was not worth fighting for either. They were all going to 'the Place Devoid of the Number Nine' if it was the last thing Trent would do.

* * *

**Dun! Dun! Dun!**

**So in addition to plotting to kill Brick, Chris, Courtney, Izzy and Blaineley, Trent is going to kill Chef for lying to Trent and for being a 'blasphemous heretic'! Can the evening get any crazier?! Unfortunately for the couples, yes.**

**As for Chef's name, I could only find three nine-letter names in the English language. They were Alexander, Frederick and Sebastian. I'm sure there are many more, and that I wasn't looking hard enough. But the three names I found were good enough. Of course, I ruled out Sebastian because that cannot be shortened to a four-letter name that I know of (I am hardly familiar with that name). Frederick could be shortened to Fred, but I like Alec better, because Alec was the name of a fictional World War 1 officer in the Royal Irish Rifles in **_**How Many Miles to Babylon**_** by Jennifer Johnston, a book which we studied in English class in secondary school. After all, Chef is a military man. But Chef and Alec are completely different characters when it comes to personality. Oh, and the book obviously belongs to Jennifer Johnston. I am making no profit from making a reference to that book.**

**You may realise that Alexander is the English for Alejandro, but hey, why can't two or more characters in one show share the same name? Like in **_**Ed, Edd n' Eddy**_**? Speaking of which, Alejandro may or may not make an appearance in this fic. Only in this fic will Chef's name be Alec/Alexander. In some of my other fics, he might have different names.**

**Anyway, **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_** should be up no later than this Saturday. If it's not up by then, well… it'll be up!**

**Until next time!**


End file.
